Separation can be a confusing and upsetting time for a child especially if they don’t feel their views will be taken into account. 

It has been found that asking children about their views is helpful to them and their mental health. It can also be helpful to parents and can improve the chance of parents being able to resolve issues between them. 

During the mediation process, children can be spoken to by a qualified child-inclusive mediator to listen to their wishes and feelings and to ensure the child’s voice is heard. This mirrors the approach taken in pilot courts around the country. Our local court, Birmingham Family Court, is one of the courts involved in the Pathfinder pilot. 

The pilot aims to improve children's experiences in family law proceedings and to reduce court delays. Children are given an opportunity to say what they want to happen, which is relayed to their parents and the court, and considered during the decision-making process. 

Many parents attend mediation to avoid court proceedings. However, if the parents cannot agree on the future arrangements for their children, this may be the next option. Parents may be unsure of involving their child in the mediation process. However, if a child is spoken to in any event as a part of court proceedings, including the voice of the child at an earlier stage within the mediation process could potentially avoid such proceedings being necessary.

Consideration should be given to all children aged 10 if they wish to be consulted as part of the mediation process, and to have their views taken into account by their parents when making decisions for them. Children are free to say no if they don’t want to meet the mediator. At Anthony Collins, we have two child-inclusive mediators, Chris Lloyd-Smith and Maria Ramon, who are trained to help parents to focus on putting their children at the centre of their decision-making. We understand the importance of building trust with each child and can provide specific information about what support children might need when parents separate.

The Family Mediation Council consider it can be helpful for a child to talk to a mediator because:

• A child may not tell a parent what they really think, especially if the child is aware of any conflict between the parents.
• A child may not have an opportunity to talk to both parents at the same time and may be very worried about saying things to one parent rather than giving exactly the same message to both parents at the same time. It is not uncommon for children to say one thing to one parent and something completely different to the other parent.
• In families where emotions are highly charged, children are preoccupied with keeping the peace, and may not feel that have had space or permission to dwell on what their own feelings are. Speaking to the mediator gives children in this situation a chance to think about their own views.
• It gives all children a private space, to be asked how they are and if they have any views to be taken into account. Both parents are given this opportunity when they meet the mediator on their own; children should have this opportunity too.
• A parent is deeply involved in the emotional nurturing and well-being of a child and is not in an impartial place to hear or provide feedback on a child’s views. Even with the best will in the world, the parent might not understand or convey the child’s feelings to the other parent or mediator in the way the child would wish.
• The things that the parents are worried about, including their worries about how the child is feeling, may make it more difficult for the child to talk freely about how they are feeling and what they think is important.

When offering a child consultation, Maria Ramon and Christopher Lloyd-Smith, would listen and consider a child’s views in the decisions being made about the child. Research has indicated that talking to a professional who is working with the whole family gives a child a feeling of being genuinely involved and listened to. It can also lead to long-lasting arrangements, with everyone being happy that the arrangements are in the best interests of the child. 

The mediator will agree with the child as to the information to be fed back to the parents. A feedback session would then be arranged with the parents to enable them to hear their child’s wishes and feelings with a view to taking the valuable information into account in their decision-making. The parents still retain responsibility for making the decisions regarding their child’s future but have the benefit of understanding their child’s perspective. 

If you would like further information regarding Child Inclusive Mediation then please contact our mediation assistant, Eve Downer, eve.downer@anthonycollins.com or 0121 200 3242.

There is additional information regarding our mediation services on our website, which can be found here.

More specific information regarding Child Inclusive Mediation can be found here.